Дед Мороз (transliterated from the Russian "Ded Moroz") or "Grandfather Frost" is coming to town, but not until New Year's.

While this Santa-like figure has roots in Russian folklore, he was first denounced by the Bolsheviks as bourgeois, then rehabilitated by the Soviet Union in the the late 1930s. It is said that Joseph Stalin ordered Grandfather Frost's coat to be blue so as not to be confused with the bourgeois, reactionary, counter-revolutionary Santa Claus.

Grandfather Frost, often accompanied by the "Snow Maiden" (more on her in a moment) comes bearing gifts for children on New Year's Day, since there was no Christmas in the Soviet Union. Other than that, the tradition is indistinguishable from the secular aspects of Christmas down to the decorations, the New Year's tree, and the New Year's family dinner.

All of this makes Christmas in post-Soviet Central Asia a bit brighter and seemingly not so far from home. The streets and storefronts are all decorated (more-or-less) the same as in the States. The markets are crowded and there's an energetic holiday hustle and bustle on the street.

Having said all of this, Grandfather Frost may be harboring a dark secret, just who and what the Snow Maiden really is. While Mrs. Claus is a dignified, gray-headed, bespectacled matron, the Snow Maiden is always portrayed young and hot.

The Grandfather Frost legend is inconsistent on the Snow Maiden's relationship with the old man. The most often cited has her being his granddaughter. Others refer to Grandfather Frost's "niece" and a few even hint at a May-December (or May - January 1) romantic relationship. Yeah, right, old man...your "niece," wink-wink, nod-nod.

I think that I would have some reservations about my daughter sitting in this guy's lap.

Merry Christmas from Dushanbe!

By now, some of you will have received our card and annual Christmas letter and for this I apologize. For those of you who didn't, don't worry. I'm not going to post it here. If you just can't live without a copy of your own, you can send me a stamped, self-addressed return envelope and I may send you a copy or I may reuse the stamp for something more worthwhile.

Let me be clear, I'm not much for Christmas letters but Melanie insists. This being the case, I'm not sure why I end up writing ours. Maybe it's an exercise in saving face. If I can't control its existence, I can at least control its content and I attempt to keep it succinct, clever but not cutesy, and on one page.

I can't believe what some people put in their multi-page Christmas tomes. Some of these things I'm sure wipe out entire rain forests when multiplied by the number of lucky recipients. And, if I get one more Christmas letter describing the latest grandchild's first poop, I'll scream!

Nuttin' for Christmas, penned by S. Tepper and R. Bennett in 1955, is a funny Christmas carol asking children to be good if they want Santa Claus to bring them gifts on Christmas.

It was rewritten on Monday by a somewhat disgruntled embassy employee (name withheld to protect the guilty) and circulated throughout the embassy. I really wish I could take credit for this but I can't. All I can do is insure it reaches a wider audience.

(background... The diplomatic pouch mail system is an embassy's lifeline to the States --imagine life without amazon.com, or the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated-- and generally referred to as the "pouch." The pouch and its timely delivery is always a big-damn-deal at a U.S. Embassy. Around the holidays, it takes on an unimaginably significant status. The pouch equals Santa! Tajik Airlines is supposed to deliver our Embassy mail bags from the city of Almaty, Kazakhstan. Every year, they stop delivering about three weeks before Christmas, and STILL some burrocrat in D.C. pays them and renews their contract... so... I'm Getting Nuttin' for Christmas again, this year)

I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 
Trajik Air aint earnin' its fee. 
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 
'Cause No One gives a dam in D.C. 

My cookies molding in a shed; 
Mail bags're in Almaty. 
My fruit cake's rottin' till its dead; 
Da bags're in Almaty. 

No candy canes are on my tree;
Won't be watching my DVD; 
No stockings are on my chimney; 
Da bags're in Almaty. 

CHORUS
Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 
Trajik Air aint earnin' its fee. 
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 
'Cause No One gives a dam in D.C.

I ordered books from Amazon;
Mail bags're in Almaty.
Goodies from Netgrocer.com;
Da bags're in Almaty.

My Auntie sent me Christmas treats;
My Grandma sent me real warm sheets;
My Momma sent me lots of sweets;
Da bags're in Almaty.

CHORUS
Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 
Trajik Air aint earnin' its fee. 
I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas 
'Cause No One gives a dam in D.C.

So you better be someplace besides Dushanbe 
'Cause if you're not, I'm warning you, 
You'll get nuttin' for Christmas.